The Education of Lord Maple Leaf
On a Sunday in June 2022, a Canadian law professor told Coach he was wrong. Within 48 hours the professor was trending at #2 in the United States, his Wikipedia page had been locked, and Keith Olbermann had gotten involved. Every tweet the professor sent that day has since been deleted. His account no longer exists. Two years later, he won a championship.
Sunday, June 19, 2022: The Exchange
The professor, @profamirattaran, was on a tirade about a flight attendant who was not wearing a mask. Coach replied. What follows is every round, in order. The professor's side survives only as X's own placeholder, so each round opens with how Coach described it the next day.
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Round 1This Post was deleted by the Post author.
Coach, the next day: "I started by stating an objective fact. It seemed like the most diplomatic way to let this Professor of Moose Studies save some face"
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · 4:00 PMCorrect, you are just a British province, not a real country. So you have to do whatever America says
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Round 2This Post was deleted by the Post author.
Coach, the next day: "Prime Minister Poutine did not heed my advice and responded with ingratitude. Taking the high road once again, I reminded him of another historical fact"
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · 4:10 PMThis is false. You lost the revolutionary war to us and the needed us to single handedly win WWI for you. You have zero SEC championships
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Round 3This Post was deleted by the Post author.
Coach, the next day: "Professor Province decided to escalate once again by quote tweeting me and insulting America, calling us Canada’s “low class neighbours [sic].” I had no choice but to respond"
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · 4:42 PMApologies but I can’t read Maple Syrup. What does this say?
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Round 4This Post was deleted by the Post author.
Coach, the next day: "Dr. Syrup then decided to celebrate Canada burning the White House (a clear piece of historic fantasy fiction), so the gloves came off"
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · 5:37 PMLord Mapleleaf, I’ve made more money panning for gold in Dahlonega than your country’s annual GDP
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Round 5 · The finishing blowThis Post was deleted by the Post author.
Coach, the next day: "Not to be deterred, Dwayne Gretzky decided to call ME low class. I was left with no choice but to deliver the finishing blow"
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · 6:33 PMI didn’t want to mention this, but you’ve left me no choice.
My company car is a fully loaded 2011 Taurus with a 24 disc CD changer in the trunk
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Monday, June 20, 2022: The Victory Lap
Coach published the definitive seven-part thread, then watched the fallout roll in.
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Jun 20, 2022For those who missed it: Yesterday, an irate Canadian professor (Lord Maple Leaf) tried to challenge me. It did not end well for him. Please join me on this journey down memory lane. Trust me, this is well worth your time. (1/7)
Read the full thread on X →
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Jun 20, 2022And that, my friends, was the end of Lord Maple Leaf: (7/7)
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Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Jun 20, 2022😂 😂 😂 Who can we thank for this?
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Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Jun 20, 2022If you haven’t been blocked by the professor yet, my only request is that you address him as Lord Maple Leaf, Dwayne Gretzky, or Prime Minister Poutine. Your choice.
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Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Jun 20, 2022Holy hell Lord Maple Leaf’s Wikipedia page has now been locked after these additions
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Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Jun 20, 2022Well, Lord Maple Leaf ended up trending at number 2 at its peak and Kurt Olbermann wants me dead.
My work here is complete.View on X →
April 2024: The Never Lettered In Shit Invitational
Two years later, Coach held a bracket of everyone who had argued with him and lost. Senators, authors, coaches and one Canadian professor. Yes, this is where the name of this website comes from.
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Apr 7, 2024Later this evening, the polls will open for the long awaited championship matchup between Keith Olbermann and Lord Maple Leaf. The winner takes home the inaugural Never Lettered In Shit Invitational title. The prize is a heavily financed waterbed on the verge of repossession with a 39.99% APR.
Though I normally disdain reading, I ask that EVERYONE educate themselves on my interactions with Keith and LML before deciding who to vote for. Keith is undoubtedly better known, but you’re doing yourself a disservice if you don’t educate yourself on Prime Minister Poutine, who should he able to make this a thrilling, down to the wire vote.View on X →
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Apr 7, 2024Lord Maple Leaf’s Wikipedia page was eventually locked
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Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Apr 7, 2024And then Keith’s Wikipedia page suffered the same fate as Lord Maple Leaf
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Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Apr 8, 2024 · 516.6K viewsIT’S OVER!!! Lord Maple Leaf has done the impossible! He has defeated Kurt Olbermann in a thriller to win the First Annual Never Lettered in Shit Invitational!
Congratulations @profamirattaran. You earned it
@KeithOlbermann - you lostView on X →
February 2026: Never Forget
Team Canada took silver in Olympic hockey and posted that silver shines just as bright. Coach knew immediately who was behind it.
Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman · Feb 19, 2026This is so pathetic I can only conclude Lord Maple Leaf wrote it
Team Canada @TeamCanada
Silver shines just as bright ❤️View on X →
Reigning champion, Never Lettered In Shit Invitational. Title defense pending.